the 10 things you didn't want to know

Here's a post I found just sitting impatiently in my drafts folder from lots of months ago. 

*Voice inside my head*: "Hey, I'm looking for things to write about this summer....and this is brutally honest, so I guess I'll put it on the internet!"

Enjoy,

//

When we write the vanilla blogging challenge "10 things you didn't know about me" posts, we mean something along the lines of "here's some cool, maybe unknown quirky things you had no idea about!".

But this is not one of those posts.

This is more of a "10 things you didn't know about me and probably would never know because I hide them" list. But hey. Here goes:

1. I am impulsive. Like, super impulsive. Sometimes it gets the best of me, and I end up paying for it. Most times sometimes out of my pocket. 

2. I'm an outgoing recluse... that being said, I can bring groups of people together and not have it be awkward, I can easily draw attention to myself and be okay with it (whether its me embarrassing myself or not...). But at the same time-- No, Mother, I am not like you.....I like being alone. But not all the time. 

Leave me alone with my thoughts for too long and you're playing with fire.

3. I am jealous. Far too often, it seems. But I try not to let it get to me.

4. I'm ridiculously independent. So much so that I will feel like breaking off ties for days, or weeks on end, and do wild things to spite you.

5. I have a love/hate relationship with change. When it's in my control, that's one thing... but when it's not, sometimes I feel like pausing the world to cry in the corner. 

6. Lies spill out of my mouth more often than they should. Some are white, some are grey, some are black, and the rest fall into the other 50 shades of grey. [Heh.] 

7. I spend way too much time on the internet/social media sometimes. I've deleted Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram off my phone before. Maybe it's time to do it again. *[Note from the Present: Twitter is dead to me, Facebook is gone, the only ones standing are Insta and Snapchat mostly for my art and social gratification purposes. Woot.]

8. As hard as I try to avoid the whole "waiting on approval from others to move on with my life", I'm a sucker for everyone being happy. I am a pacifist who craves harmony [but is quick to anger apparently???]. I aim to please, but miss the mark. And end up feeling badly for no reason in the end. 

9. I am not quick to open up to people. Even with a bf of practically 4 years, there's still pieces that have yet to become dislodged and exposed. *Note: more than 4 years, now, and many things have been dislodged/exposed since. Heh!]

10. Laughing with someone is the fastest/easiest way for me expand my empathy, connect with others, and to fall in love.

Yes, there is a lot of construction to be done, as most of these still hold true like mostly dried cement. But that's what the years are for.